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“爸爸下跪逼儿打自己”是自虐型家暴

发布时间:2019-12-05 作者:王占郡 来源:中国教育报

WANGSHANGYIDUAN《BABAXIAGUIBIHAIZIYONGMUGUNDAZIJI》DESHIPINRANGRENYUEKANYUENANSHOU(KESOUSUOGUANKAN):BABADASHENGMINGLINGKUQIZHANLIDEERZIYONGGUNZIDAZIJI,KOULIYIZHIZHONGFUZHE“ZIBUJIAO,FUZHIGUO”“BABAMEIJIAOHAONI,RANGNIBIANDEYUELAIYUEHUAI!”ERZIJIKONGJUYOUMANGRAN,JIKUIJIUYOUWUZHU,KUZHEBUGANDONGSHOU。BABAYOUNAGUOGUNZIHENHENDIDAZAIZIJIDEBEISHANG,NUHOUDAO:“BABAZHEIMEYONGXINDIJIAONI,NIFEICHANGRANGBABASHIWANG,ZHEICIBABATINISHOULECHENGFA,YAOSHIHAIYOUXIACI,SUOYOUDEGUNZIDOUJIANGDAZAINISHENSHANG!”

表面是自责——背后是绑架。且不管孩子拿手机上学是多大的过错,这个爸爸除了把儿子定性为“做了坏事儿”“越来越坏”之外,更多次申明是“替儿子”受罚,说明他并非真的认为自己有错当罚,他的吼叫中充斥着愤怒和不满,而没有丝毫忏悔和愧疚。

ZHEIZHONGMAOSIZEFAZIJIDEFANGSHI,QISHISHIDAIZHEDUIHAIZIDEJIDAFENNU,JIABEIDIGONGJIZHEMOHAIZI,DUIHAIZIJINXINGDAODEBANGJIA,JIHAIZIZAOCHENGDAODESHANGDEFUZUIGAN、XINLISHANGDEKONGJUGAN,SHITUDADAOKONGZHIHEZHENGFUHAIZI、RANGHAIZIXIABUWEILIDEMUDE。ZHENGGESHIPINZHONG,BABAYIZHIDENGZHEYANJINGJUGAOLINXIADIYONGSHOUZHIZHEHAIZI,WANQUANWUSHIHAIZIDEQINGXUGANSHOU,HAITONGGUOBIAODADUIERZISHIWANGDENGFANGSHINIANYAHAIZIDEZIXINHEZIZUN。

爸爸的失望——孩子的地狱。孩子最大的不幸之一就是让父母失望,被父母看不起。这种自卑和愧疚,很可能会伴随孩子一生,时刻消耗着孩子的生命力量。台湾作家三毛自幼活在被父亲看不起的阴影里,造成了几乎终生难愈的心理创伤,直到40岁时才在父亲的来信里等到了迟来的赞许,如获至宝,热泪盈眶地写道:“我等你这句话,等了一生一世,只等你——我的父亲,亲口说出来,扫去了我在这个家庭里一辈子消除不掉的自卑和心虚。”“我一生的悲哀,并不是要赚得全世界,而是要请你欣赏我。”“从小到大,我逃不过你的那声叹气,逃不掉你不说而我知道的失望。”

YIJU“NIFEICHANGRANGBABASHIWANG”DUIHAIZIDESHANGHAI,BIZHIJIEDAHAIZIYIDUNYAODAHENDUOBEI。ZHEIGEHAIZIKENENGZHONGSHENGDOUWANGBULEZHEICIEMENGYIYANGDEJINGLI。

ZHEILEIZHEMOZIJIDEFANGSHI,CHUKANSHIZIZE,ZAIKANSHIKUROUJI,BENZHISHANGSHIFUMUYIXIAODAOWEIMINGGUOXIEHAIZIDESHOUDUAN,SHIYIZHONGBIANXIANGSHENZHIBIANTAIDEJIATINGBAOLI。ZHEIZHONGJIABAOZHANJULEDAODEGAODI,CHENGGONGDIZHIHAIZIYUBUYI,RANGHAIZIWUDIZIRONG,TONGSHIHAIRONGYIHUODECHENGRENSHIJIEDETONGQING,BURONGYISHOUDAOFALVHEDAODEDECHENGFA,YINBIXINGJIQIANG,POJUQIPIANXING。

环境和关系——同时被破坏。这个爸爸的言行粗暴傲慢,毫不理会旁边女儿的哀求,既不尊重孩子也不尊重自己,无法营造一个充满人文关怀的家庭环境,更不能给孩子带来正向积极的引领。

YANJIUBIAOMING,KONGHEQIANGZHIDEJIAOYANGMOSHI,ZHINENGZAOCHENGHAIZIWAIZAIDEKONGJUHETAOBI,HENNANDAILAINEIZAIZILVDEDONGJI。HAIZIZHANGDAHOUDAZHIYOU4ZHONGQINGXING:“GUAI”HAIZICHEDIBEIZHENGFU,FANGQIZIWOZHUZHANG,CHENGLETINGHUAERTUISUODENUOFU,QIANTUKANYOU;MINGANDEHAIZI,HUIXIANGSANMAOYIYANGNIANGCHENGZHANGQIDEXINLICHUANGSHANG;CHONGDONGFANKANGXINGDEHAIZI,HUIXUANZEYIZISHAHUOSHIQINDEFANGSHIJINXINGFANKANG;SHAOBUFENHAIZIKEYIYIKAOZIJIDELILIANGTAOLIJIATINGHUOBIMIANSHANGHAI,CONGERJIAOXINGDEYIBAOQUAN。

点赞与好评——更深的忧虑。令人震惊和难过的是,对这个爸爸貌似自责实则家暴的言行,网上居然好评如潮,批评的言论少之又少。

YOURENDIANPINGSHUO“JINENGRANGHAIZIXIQUJIAOXUNDONGDEFANSHENG,YOUNENGZAIJIAOYUHAIZIDEGUOCHENGZHONGBUPOHUAIQINZIGUANXI,BUHEHAIZICHUXIANGEHE”。ERSHIJISHANG,ZHEIZHONGXINGWEIQIAQIAPOHUAILEJIATINGJIAOYUHUANJING,SHANGHAILEHAIZI,HOUGUOZHENGHAOBEIDAOERCHI。

YOUWANGYOUBIAOSHI:“TASHENZHIYANCHUANSHENJIAODELILIANGBINGNULIJIANXING,BUDEBURANGRENJINGPEIZHEIWEIYONGXINLIANGKUDEFUQIN。”QINGWEN,TONGGUOXINGWEIBAOLIHEYUYANBAOLIBIANDIZIJIWEIXIEHAIZI,POHUAIQINZIGUANXIHEJIATINGHUANJING,ZHEIGEBABAYOUSHENMEZHIDEHAIZIMOFANGZHICHU?

GENGDUODEPINGLUNSHI“KANDEXINSUANBUYI,RANGRENLEIMU,ZHIYANZUOFUMUDEBURONGYI”。JIATINGJIAOYUZHONG,SHOUXIANYINGGAIKANJIANDESHIHAIZIERBUSHIFUMU。WANGYOUPINGLUNLIJIHUMEIYOURENGANKAIHAIZIDANGSHIDEKONGJUHEJIANAO,KEJIANCHENGRENPUBIANQUEFACONGHAIZIDESHIJIAOTIHUIHAIZIDEGANSHOUZHEIGEJIBENDEJIAOYUCHANGSHI。ZAIZHEIYANGDERENWENHUANJINGZHONGZHANGDADEHAIZI,XINLISHANGSHANGHENLEILEI、TONGKUJUEWANGQUEQIUZHUWUMEN,QIXINLIJIANKANGLINGRENDANYOU。

HAIYOUWANGYOURENWEI“HAIZIYOULENEIJIUGAN,SHUOMINGTAYIJINGYISHIDAOZIJIDECUOWULE。”“ZHEIHAIZIRIHOUBICHENGDAQIA!”CIYANMIUYI!XINLIXUEYANJIUBIAOMING,QIANGHUAFUZUIGANDUIJIAOYUHAOWUYICHU。CHENZHONGDEFUZUIGAN,HUISHANGHAIHAIZIDEZIZUNXIN,POHUAIHAIZIDEZIWOJIAZHIGAN,RANGHAIZIJUEDEZIJIBUZHIDEYONGYOUHAODESHENGHUO,BUZHIDEBEIAI,ZHANGDAHOUBUJINBURONGYIZHUIQIUCHENGGONGDESHENGHUO,SHENZHIYEMEIYOULILIANGQUHUIKUIFUMU,HELAIBICHENGDAQI?

自虐和软弱——爸爸的伤痛。一系列典型的自虐行为,说明这个既愤怒又懦弱的爸爸也是自己原生家庭的受害者。一般而言,自虐倾向源于童年爱的缺失,反映在对人既需要又敌视,既自卑又自负,让自己难受也让别人难受,生活中充满无力感,不断制造和重复让自己不堪的生活体验。网上时常出现的给孩子下跪求其改变的父母,也属于这个类型。

ZINVEQINGXIANGDEFUMUBENZHISHANGSHIRUANRUOWULIDE,TAMENYINGFUZIJIDESHENGHUOSHANGQIELIBUCONGXIN,HENNANXIANGHAIZITIGONGZHENGXIANGYOULIDEZHICHI,FEICHANGXUYAOSHEHUIDEGUANXINHEZHUANYEDEBANGZHU。ZHIYOUDANGFUMUZIJINEIXINQIANGDAQILAI,CAIBUHUITONGGUORUCIWUNENG、WUNAI、WUXIAODEFANGSHILAIDUIDAIHAIZI。

(ZUOZHEXIBEIJINGZHONGQINLIANJIAOYUKEJIYANJIUYUANYUANZHANG)

《ZHONGGUOJIAOYUBAO》2019NIAN12YUE05RIDI9BAN 

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